Went to the doctor, who goes by “G” and learned that I am not indeed crazy. My breathing is more than just me being overweight, I am still sick and as a result am on antibiotics. He is also running a few other tests to rule out some obvious issues that I’m having.

Random pic of Dad and me for your enjoyment

Yay!

Weird right?

I will try to explain my thinking. It’s so easy to get dismissed by dr’s and health professionals. It’s so easy to hear, you feel this way b/c of your weight. I would imagine that is why many of us (overweight people) just stop going to the dr, I get they can make us healthy, but they also be dismissive. I could tell horror stories of being dismissed and not heard and real problems being waved away… but that’s not important right now.

We agreed, G and I,  that we would focus on clearing the congestion and getting me back to “normal for me” before focusing on weight loss and why I’m hitting the walls I’m hitting. I feel better, well not really, but I know that I’m on my way.

I’m still here, and I haven’t forgotten about you.

I kinda feel like I’m floundering some days.

Going to the doctor today, I haven’t been 100% since the bronchitis.

I’m in love with my vibram five fingers and feel normal when wearing them.

In related news, I need to wash my 5 fingers as they are fresh.

Any encouragement? Any tricks or keys to the kingdom you may want to share?

Dear Body, I feel like you and I have been at odds with one another and I feel as though we need to come to peace.

I abuse you constantly with bad thoughts and faces as I pass mirrors or see cameras out. I have abused you emotionally with ideas that constantly nag at me and tell me that I’m not good enough and that I will never be good enough, and for that I am sorry.

I just turned 30, which is another scary subject for another day, and as I sat at my party I realized that if I spoke to my friends the way I speak to you and treat you… well let’s just admit that wouldn’t have been such a banging time surrounded with such incredible people.

I have taken you for granted and that you will always be around and for that I’m sorry. I know that while you are my body, you haven’t been appreciated as I am capable of. Let us make some allowances okay?

I need to recognize that you are amazing. You have healed broken bones after traumas and hiked mountains will little preparation. You have allowed me to participate in boot camp after boot camp and have responded by getting stronger and faster and almost claiming to be athletic.

You are amazing; you have allowed me to hold friends and little people offering soft places to land during hard times.

You are beautiful and when healthy you have curves that don’t stop and strong legs that I am proud of.

You are worthy of more and I will start providing you that more you crave. I can promise you that I will try to do better and I will make some small changes that will lead to big results. I can promise you that I can’t promise you the world tomorrow but if we keep chipping away at this thing called health, we will get there eventually. I can promise you I will try to do more and be more accountable, just keep reminding me that it’s not all in vain okay?

I’m 30 now, this just got real.

I have been avoiding you, and in result avoiding myself. Okay enough of that.

Done and Back. 30’s, let’s see what you have in store.

Okay the step challenge is going. My goal is to get over 10,000 a day. I may need to up that b/c the big sis is coming out with fangs going. I have an app on my phone that works as a pedometer. I know I have missed out on a few steps because I don’t always carry my phone with me, but you do what you can. I’m not going to drive myself crazy here.

I realized today at lunch that I can tell how my eating and food stuff is going by how quickly I drink a diet coke… weird but keep with me for a moment.

When I’m eating crap and drinking junk and not paying attention I can kill a soda in no time flat. I have been nursing my small can of diet coke since 11 today. Bit of a difference I think. I have been drinking a majority of my meals this week in juice form and sticking to better for me foods. I have consumed little meat. And I’ve felt better for it all in all.

I had cantalope juice for lunch wednesday and felt pretty full and then I drank a diet coke because it was there. Before I finished it I was hungry… weird! and I should have known better.  

No real point to this post today, just wanted to say something, some sort of update.

I have seen 2 videos this week that have left me teary and ready for change. More change. I’m a big fan of running your own race, but to start you first have to join the race.
This video is amazing and totally worth the 5 minutes it will borrow from your day.

I came in first this previous weeks for steps. Not to shabby. I’m also down 9, so that’s a good start.

I think next week I am going to hit paleo hard, in the face. ha, that sentence just made me smile. Seriously though I have been tapering a lot this week and mainly using up food that I didn’t want to waste. I plan to do Paleo hard and transistion to a juice experiment while the boyfriend is on his family vacation and I am solo.

This works for several reasons. 1. my sweet boyfriend will eat meat any day of the week, but partakes in very few veggies, so paleo is our happy place as I throw veggies on my plate where I throw bread on his. 2. any withdraw issues won’t be thrown on him, as I will be cutting coffee the week he is gone.  3. Since I will be solo as a work cohort I share lunches with will also be on vacay there will be less and less temptation to do otherstuff.

Now to figure out a meal plan. Anyone want to take care of that for me?

First off, what does stat mean? Besides now or asap – which I know means as soon as possible.

Second, how do you rid yourself of feeling of self doubt? Do you and can you?

Seriously I need some mojo advice  here.