So… I am feeling pretty confident lately about this whole “health thing”. I know I’m working hard, my eating is okay (I actually am not eating enough, but it’s not junk for the most part) and my clothes are needing to be replaced with new smaller sizes. Life is good.
And then I saw them. A month ago I was in a dear friends wedding. It was a beautiful day and I wore a new dress and felt okay, until I saw the pics yesterday. When I was wearing the same dress. I wanted to crawl under a rock. Thats how I look? I was let into public? Look at my arms!!!! ugh.
And I ruined it for myself. I rained on my own parade. And then I began to re-evaluate. I had to stop and take stock yet again and you know what? I’m tired of these pep talks. I’m doing this, I’m doing great and I’m accomplishing a crap ton of work.
Monday I worked out 3 seperate times. 3!!!!!! there was bootcamp, a new zumba/pilates class and then time with my precious Finn to close out the day. Tuesday I was a little sore on the top of my legs but otherwise I was fine. And then last night I ran intervals on the first day of the Couch to 5 K training plan. Then this morning I went back to good old bootcamp class and ya know what? It wasn’t the best workout ever. But that was more mentally than physically. I heard those old voices. Danielle you can’t do this, you look funny, you’re never gonna be more than you are now.
I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of not feeling like I’m good enough for this. Like this trip will never end. Because you know what? I am and if I’m never a perfect size, I’m gonna still be me and me kinda rocks. I’m going to be healthy and happy and it’s gonna happen. So self doubt… you need to screw off. Cause I’m in this game, you may have won a small battle yesterday, but I’ve got this.