So… I am feeling pretty confident lately about this whole “health thing”. I know I’m working hard, my eating is okay (I actually am not eating enough, but it’s not junk for the most part) and my clothes are needing to be replaced with new smaller sizes. Life is good.
And then I saw them. A month ago I was in a dear friends wedding. It was a beautiful day and I wore a new dress and felt okay, until I saw the pics yesterday. When I was wearing the same dress. I wanted to crawl under a rock. Thats how I look? I was let into public? Look at my arms!!!! ugh.
And I ruined it for myself. I rained on my own parade. And then I began to re-evaluate. I had to stop and take stock yet again and you know what? I’m tired of these pep talks. I’m doing this, I’m doing great and I’m accomplishing a crap ton of work.
Monday I worked out 3 seperate times. 3!!!!!! there was bootcamp, a new zumba/pilates class and then time with my precious Finn to close out the day. Tuesday I was a little sore on the top of my legs but otherwise I was fine. And then last night I ran intervals on the first day of the Couch to 5 K training plan. Then this morning I went back to good old bootcamp class and ya know what? It wasn’t the best workout ever. But that was more mentally than physically. I heard those old voices. Danielle you can’t do this, you look funny, you’re never gonna be more than you are now.
I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of not feeling like I’m good enough for this. Like this trip will never end. Because you know what? I am and if I’m never a perfect size, I’m gonna still be me and me kinda rocks. I’m going to be healthy and happy and it’s gonna happen. So self doubt… you need to screw off. Cause I’m in this game, you may have won a small battle yesterday, but I’ve got this.
Today I started back to bootcamp. It was nice to see the gang and the new still scared faces. It was amazing to realize how 2 weeks off made me feel. UGH. But to also know how far we have come.
I wasn’t last in everything! I ran the 2 minutes and I did bearcrawls…!!!!
Somedays It IS all about the end result, but the journey is more fun right now as well.
Hello October 9th, you will be here before I know it.
Starts back today! I’m ready to go. Come a ways from my first class when I thought I would die during the assesment… Looking forward to seeing everyone they have become part of my routine and I like routine somedays… (don’t tell Donita… I’ll deny it)
I also love that I get to spend quality time with my little sis. We have fun in our class and it’s something we can share.
It’s Monday again… but more on that later.
I do better when I feel challenged. In workouts, in writting, in relationships. I like to work hard for what I recieve… and the opposite is true when I am not challenged when things are handed to me I don’t appreciate them as I should or could. It’s not that I’m not grateful but I guess I’m one of those who like to rise to the challenge and be the better version of myself. I’m not the best version of myself yet but I’m working on that.
I’m off to training today in Nashville for a newsletter system for work. I’m excited about going and then this weekend will be a variety of activites all sure to be fun.
But today, is the last day of bootcamp. The last official workout of 6weeks of hard work. Then next Monday I have the assesment to evaluate how well or not well I have done. I have never been as challenged in a workout as this. I want to do well, I want to be the best. I’m better than I have been…. But I have a long way to go. It’s gonna happen.