I love this song… it’s slow and wistful and can be depressing in the wrong frame of mind… but I still love it. I remember performing it for a studio class once and loved the chance to stage and make it my own.
I ran a little on Sunday,went to Centennial park and did about 1.5 miles. I’m incredibly slow and walked some as well, but I feel like I’m getting my head back in the game. So there is that.
Work is crazy and life, not so much so. And I want to change that. Another session of bootcamp is starting soon. Gonna re-up and go again. I have missed it and I do better with everything when I’m doing that. It’s a financial thing, but I need to make that commitment.
I’m also thinking about dropping my gym membership… or putting it on hold. I don’t like the one in Nashville and it’s not convienent. The one I go to, when I go is full of pretty people… I want to work out with the people that look like me. LOL I know that’s odd, but I want to know that I’m not the only one struggling. There is a 24 hour across the street from where I live. Thinking about checking it out.
And that right there is a whole other subject. I need to stop thinking about doing stuff and just do it already. I need to go and run and workout and everything. I need to stop planning and start doing. Rant over, stepping off soapbox and going about rest of the day.
Last night I completed my 4th session of boot camp class. And to be honest I have gone back and forth between feeling great and being incredibly frustrated with my results.
I KNOW I work hard and that I do well and this time it’s as though something has clicked on and the light is finally shining. Perhaps I can do this? I don’t know, someday maybe I will get there?
On to singing my praises
In the past 12 weeks I have lost 22 pounds. I didn’t weigh in last 6 weeks for several different reasons. In the past 24 weeks overall I have lost 46 pounds… SO freakin close to 50. That’s kinda cool.
I lost 3.5 inches overall. eh, that’s okay.
My mile only improved by 10 seconds. However I ran more of it than ever before. The track there is 23 laps to a mile and I jogged the first 6. Then I alternated between walking and jogging.
In the past 6 weeks. My sit ups have improved from 13 to now I can do 26.
and my Push ups have gone from 12 to 29.
I’m encouraged, but also frustrated. I know I don’t need to be as hard on myself. But as I can do more, I WANT to do more. this IS going to happen. I am going to be fit and healthy and all that entails.
So… I am feeling pretty confident lately about this whole “health thing”. I know I’m working hard, my eating is okay (I actually am not eating enough, but it’s not junk for the most part) and my clothes are needing to be replaced with new smaller sizes. Life is good.
And then I saw them. A month ago I was in a dear friends wedding. It was a beautiful day and I wore a new dress and felt okay, until I saw the pics yesterday. When I was wearing the same dress. I wanted to crawl under a rock. Thats how I look? I was let into public? Look at my arms!!!! ugh.
And I ruined it for myself. I rained on my own parade. And then I began to re-evaluate. I had to stop and take stock yet again and you know what? I’m tired of these pep talks. I’m doing this, I’m doing great and I’m accomplishing a crap ton of work.
Monday I worked out 3 seperate times. 3!!!!!! there was bootcamp, a new zumba/pilates class and then time with my precious Finn to close out the day. Tuesday I was a little sore on the top of my legs but otherwise I was fine. And then last night I ran intervals on the first day of the Couch to 5 K training plan. Then this morning I went back to good old bootcamp class and ya know what? It wasn’t the best workout ever. But that was more mentally than physically. I heard those old voices. Danielle you can’t do this, you look funny, you’re never gonna be more than you are now.
I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of not feeling like I’m good enough for this. Like this trip will never end. Because you know what? I am and if I’m never a perfect size, I’m gonna still be me and me kinda rocks. I’m going to be healthy and happy and it’s gonna happen. So self doubt… you need to screw off. Cause I’m in this game, you may have won a small battle yesterday, but I’ve got this.
I fell off the workout wagon; well I didn’t fall so much as I leapt. Oh, I am still going to boot camp but I haven’t been to the gym like I know I need to be.
I grew tired of it all, I was frustrated that I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted to and gosh darn-it, I felt lazy.
So I didn’t go, I thought “I deserve a break” and have been allowing myself to continue in complacency. But that isn’t going to cut it. That’s what got me here in the first place. That’s why my life became an easy excuse of watching others live their lives, and you know what? It sucked. I also let others influence my workout when it didn’t gel into what they wanted to do. So basically in the past few weeks, I haven’t let others derail me, I just jumped feet first off the wagon.
Then I watched the Biggest Loser the other night and they showed a group of Texans completing a 5k. Now if you have been reading on here for long you know that I have a love/hate relationship with 5k’s. I have completed 2 and been the last one in both. The first one I ever tried I only did the 1mile section. But there were people out there putting one foot in front of the other and completing a big-ole milestone for them. I saw myself there and I was embarrassed with my current lack of drive.
This phoning it in thing I’m doing isn’t just hurting myself, it’s of no use to others around me as well. So yesterday I had a prayer meeting with Danielle and decided that some things need to change. Sure I went to boot camp yesterday morning and had a halfway decent workout, but it could have been better. I could have dug harder. So last night, even though I was “tired” I went back to the gym and dug in and did my hour of solid cardio. Proudly I burned 969 calories, not to shabby. So no more complacency, no more excuses. If I have time to sit on my tail and watch tv I had better have put my gym time in for the day.
That’s all, thought I would share.